Cleanliness is Godliness

Now that you have watched the video...lets discuss.

"No one likes a bath tissue that leaves pieces behind." Who has pieces of toilet paper left all over their bum? No, really. Who? I would love to meet these people. I have a lot of questions.

I have been wiping my own ass for well over 26 years. I'll say my parents must have done it for the first year of my life. This has never happened to me. Not once.

Now, my girlfriend states that this must be a mans problem. Because, you know, they're hairy. This could be true. But seriously, that's gross. If I was a man and was getting bits of toilet paper stuck to my ass hair, I would grab my Norelco shaver and manscape away. I just assume that if I was a man, I would use a fancy Norelco shaver. They look nice. I would also be a metro sexual if I was a man.

But back to the subject, there is no way that I would let this continue on.

Now what I am dying to know is, did Charmin get complaints about this? Did people write into Charmin complaining of toilet paper bits stuck to their bottoms?

Dear Charmin,

I love your product so much but I wish you would address this one issue. I constantly get toilet paper pieces stuck in my hairy butt. I constantly have to pick them out while backing up against the mirror. It is such a hassle! Any way you can invent a toilet paper that doesn't leave behind bits? That would be super-d-duper.

Love,

Harry Butts

I would love to read their mail. I work at a newspaper and the mail we get at times is just fantastic. I can only imagine the kind of people who write into the toilet paper company. Hey Charmin, I smell a Facebook fan page of Charmin letter gems in the works. That would be some great publicity.

I understand their point is that its "thicker" it seems. That it doesn't break down as quickly as say, the cheap-o one-ply toilet paper. I get that. But there are so many other ways to market this product other than remnants left in your hairy bear butt. These commercials just gross me out. They are not cute or funny. Its just gross. Hairy butts full of toilet paper pieces? Definitely gross. Nothing appealing about it.

My bottom line (no pun intended) is that if you have enough butt hair to necessitate needing a toilet paper that will leave behind fewer pieces....grab a razor. Get that manscape under control. Hell, if you have that much hair you could probably make a design. I like lightening bolts.

Whoever sees you naked will appreciate this. I guarantee it.